I've begged, pleaded and demanded that my friends at least make an effort in this endeavor but to date, it's like talking to a brick wall. They continue to track in mud, leaves and assorted other vestiges of the great outdoor into living room, kitchen and any other area they frequent after they return from their jaunts in the wild. What's a homeowner to do?

So, the other day, we held a meeting in our basement. Present were myself (of course, as one of the two real alphas residing in our home) and our four dogs: Lyric, Lily and Declan, all Shelties, and Dougie, our tri-color Collie. The topic of conversation was, of course, the aforementioned cleanliness issue.

I initially took the floor and espoused the fact that we need a little cooperation if we expect to maintain any semblence of neatness in our den. After all, I went on, we all have to live in the place and it's not a barn. Lyric, the senior statesperson of the pack, asked to take the floor. She countered my argument with the fact that there's really nothing wrong with living in a barn and asked if I had a problem with animals in general. A chorus of supporting yips and barks from the other dogs followed her searing soliloqy. I called the meeting to order once again, straining to get control, but it was too late.

Lily started yapping incessantly and turning in circles, inciting Declan who also began barking furiously. Then the big dog, Dougie, proceeded to hown like a wolf and any pretense that I was going to proceed with the meeting melted away like a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. The cacaphony of sound was absolutely deafening!

Since the meeting had degenerated into a doggie barking session, I reluctantly adjourned the summit. As I left the room, tail between my legs, I looked back and saw Lyric smiling at the commotion she had caused.

I've simply gotta find a way to get control of our canine contingent one of these days.